Submitted by: Jay at Retirement Home Insider
Moving Into a Retirement Home?
If you have aging loved ones thinking about moving into a retirement home, use these simple expert tips to help make your senior living transition as seamless as possible. Learn what families need to know – both before – and after, move-in day.
Moving into a retirement community can feel like uncharted territory for families making the transition.
Even though the boxes are packed, the community has been chosen, and the lease has been signed, you’re suddenly tasked with helping your loved one navigate their new senior living environment.
While the anticipation and anxiety are completely normal, having helped thousands of families move elderly parents into retirement communities, we’ve learned that the first few weeks can make or break their experience in senior living.
The truth is, families exhaust themselves choosing the perfect retirement community, then completely forget to prepare for what happens after move-in day.
The seniors who flourish in retirement living aren’t necessarily the most outgoing or have the most resources when they arrive, they’re the ones who use the community’s resources to provide the best possible value for their loved one.
So – here are some quick and easy tips for your family to make the most out of your loved one’s new home.
1 – Pack Your Patience for the Retirement Home Move (And Then Pack Some More!)
Everything Takes Longer Than You Think It Should…..
Here’s what nobody tells families about moving into senior living:
The first six weeks are going to feel like you’re living in someone else’s routine.
Your family member might get lost going to the dining room. The retirement home housekeeping schedule won’t make sense. The pace of programs & activities will feel weird, and the shower temperature will be wrong.
This is not a sign you’ve chosen poorly – it’s probably just Tuesday.
Thousands of seniors have found life, laughter and love when they least expected it – but remember that adapting to a completely new routine and lifestyle, takes time.
All of this has to happen on your loved one’s timeline – not yours.
The residents who struggle the most are often the ones who put unreasonable expectations on themselves to “settle in” within the first couple of weeks.
Help your family member by reminding them that this a process that can take a few months, before you can truly begin to feel like you’re at “home” again.
Practical Patience Savers:
1 – Bring a notebook to jot down questions you have for team members so you can ask them all at the same time.
2 – Schedule your first family meeting for week three, not week one. There is too much confusion and anxiety at first – give the relationship a few weeks to work out the kinks.
3 – Resist the urge to “fix” every small inconvenience in the first month. Wait and watch for the trends – then you can get into fix-it mode.
2 – Between Bites – The Dining Room Is the Centre Of The Community
It’s Not Just About Food Quality…
The dining room in any retirement home isn’t just where your family member eats – it’s their social headquarters, their routine anchor, and often their biggest source of daily joy or frustration.
Not only will the food be prepared differently than how you used to make it, but you end up sharing a meal with complete strangers – usually 3 times a day.
It’s a lot to adjust to.
Remember how you felt when you were going into your first year of high school? How nervous you were – how you wanted everyone to like you – and you still wanted to do well in your studies?
Senior living in a lot of ways, is exactly like starting high school for your loved one – they’re worried about what people will think of them, they might think they’ll never make new friends or ever fit into the community.
The dining room is the social hub – the centre of where it all happens. New friendships form – lots of laughs can be had – and lots of shared remembrances of how things “used to be”.
One simple way to help with the adjustment:
Make it your business to introduce yourself to the dining room manager and supervisor during the first week.
Talk about your loved one’s preferences for people to sit with – you want them to sit with those with shared experiences or hobbies – maybe areas they grew up and what they loved to do. This way the staff can help match them with residents they might be able to connect with quicker and easier.
You can speak to personal preferences – around food and drink – and then follow up with them a week later to see how they’re adjusting.
Over time the staff will remember that your father likes his toast extra toasty, or that your mother needs her water glass refilled twice during every meal.
Once a couple of friendships are formed – the routine will get easier and far less scary – just like high school.
3 – Master The Program/Activity Calendar From Day One
Programming Drives The Vibe!
Your naturally social elderly parent might dive right into retirement home life.
But if they’re more reserved, or if they’ve lost confidence after a health scare or lost a loved one, they’ll need your help creating a support network inside the community.
The best retirement homes are adept at creating community within the home – and that’s where the programming calendar comes in.
Scope out the activity calendar during your first week with your elderly loved one and identify several activities that match your loved one’s interests – not their abilities.
Most recreation directors are desperate for ideas and participation in their programs – so it’s a perfect opportunity to influence and find programs that match your family’s interest.
Maybe they can’t play bridge anymore, but they can watch and kibbitz. Maybe they can’t garden, but they can help plan what gets planted.
Helpful Hints:
Encourage your family member to attend a “busier than normal” schedule of activities. It helps to distract, it helps to make new friends and it helps to find new activities that they may not have considered in the past.
Don’t force it, but help in creating opportunities.
Sometimes that means volunteering to help with an activity yourself for the first month, just so your loved one has someone familiar nearby while they build new connections.
Sometimes it will just be friendly reminders about what’s going on tomorrow.
Every little bit of encouragement helps to build a new social framework.
4 – Understand the Unwritten Rules (Because They’re Not in Your Lease)
Every Community Has Its Own Culture…..
There’s the official retirement community handbook, and then there’s how things actually work.
In some communities, residents dress up for dinner. In others, casual is the norm and overdressing makes you stand out (and not in a good way).
Some communities have assigned seating in the dining room. Others let you sit wherever, but certain tables have been “claimed” by the same group for years.
Figure out these unwritten rules fast, because they matter more than you’d think.
The Quickest Way To Adapt In The Community?
Ask the Executive Director for a short informal chat before you move in or during your loved one’s first week.
Tell them you want your family member to feel comfortable and ask for the “insider’s guide” on “how things work here.”
What are some popular “do’s and don’t’s” when it comes to the community?
What’s the etiquette around saving seats? Are there any residents who might be particularly welcoming to newcomers?
What are the community’s biggest and most popular social events and how can a new resident get involved?
It’s like the old saying – the more you know – the better off you’ll be.
5 – Keep Your Loved One’s Outside World Connected
Don’t Let Them Become an Island….
One of the biggest mistakes families make is assuming that retirement community living means their loved one’s outside relationships somehow become less important.
Life in senior living is about adding to their existing family and outside network – not replacing it. Some familiarity with routine, family and friends, is vital to making the transition as easy as possible.
Set up your routines early: help them maintain their hair appointment with their longtime stylist (even if the retirement community offers salon services).
Keep their involvement with their church or volunteer organization. Continue relationships with neighbors from their previous home.
Some communities make this easier than others. Ask about their policies for guests, their transportation services for outside appointments, and their flexibility around meal times when your loved one wants to maintain outside social commitments.
LPT:
Look for ways to help your family member create/keep their own schedule -of their activities and comings or goings.
This way you can ensure those outside activities get sprinkled in to their new ones – whether it’s cards at church or visits from grandkids – they are all added things to look forward to.
6 – Become Fluent In The Ways The Home Can Support Your Loved One
The Support You Need Today, Might Look Different Tomorrow
The conversation nobody wants to have – but everybody needs to remember:
Your loved one’s needs will change – and you need to understand how their retirement community can handle that reality.
Some communities are excellent at accommodating gradual changes – they’ll work with you as mobility decreases or memory concerns develop.
Sometimes changes in need are more drastic – and you’ll need a whole lot of support in a hurry.
Before you move in, or again in your first week or so, have a frank conversation with the Director of Care or Executive Director on what added services can be provided.
If the community has additional levels of care – how do care level transitions work?
Do they have companion care – or access to companion care to help if your loved one gets lonely or needs some emotional support?
What additional services are available that can be brought into the community? What about transportation – on site nursing or PSW support during the overnight?
Is palliative care within the community an option?
Ideally you know this prior to moving in – but it’s a difficult subject to think on – so it’s understandable if you haven’t given it much thought.
Excellent communities are always adding services – from mobile dentists to physiotherapists – support for each and every family always looks a little bit different.
Our Expert – Number One Safety Tip:
Reducing falls by setting up a safe and navigable suite should be at the top of your to do list when moving in.
Falls are the number one reason seniors visit the ER – and it’s not even close.
Take steps to reduce clutter and trip hazards.
Add safety measures in the bathroom like non slip mats, or things like motion lights in the bedroom for those late night bathroom visits.
Any added steps you implement will help mitigate the opportunity for emergency room visits and ensure a fulfilling life in the community.
(And 1/2) – Remember That Families Are Part of the Retirement Home Community Too
Your Relationship With the Staff Matters More Than You Might Think…
Here’s the half-point that makes all the difference in awesome senior living success stories:
How families treat the retirement home team – will directly impact the experience they provide for your elderly parent.
This isn’t about being fake-nice or bringing gifts to the community. It’s about understanding that these relationships are partnerships, not just service transactions.
Most team members want desperately for every day to be great for the residents – and sometimes mistakes are out of their control.
If I was moving my parent into a retirement community:
I would build trust with the staff so I could tell them when things went well – and when they needed to shore up their service.
I would show up for community events occasionally. I would look at my loved one’s concerns as problems to solve together, not battles to win.
The families who build good relationships with the team will find that small issues get addressed quickly, their loved one gets extra attention when needed, and problems get solved before they become a crisis.
Bottom Line on Moving Into Retirement Homes:
Moving elderly parents into retirement living is like helping them move to a small town, where everyone knows everyone, and your loved one needs to find their place in the community.
Take the time to chat with a few leaders early on to take advantage of programs and services – to fit your loved one’s needs and interests.
The retirement home move-in process doesn’t end when the boxes are unpacked – it ends when your parent feels like they belong in their new community – and they can’t wait to help others as they make the move into senior living for the first time.
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